MARKET EXPERTS SAY NOW IS NO TIME TO PANIC;

　　TIME TO PANIC COMES NEXT TUESDAY

　　市场专家认为现在是大恐慌的时代

　　“To everything, there is a season, a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to reap, a time to kill, a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to panic, the latter comes Tuesday, 3.42 pm”

　　“对于每个事物，都有一个时刻， 出生的时刻，死亡的时刻，生长的时刻，收获的时刻，遭受痛苦的时刻，愈合的时刻，欢乐的时刻，恐慌的时刻，后者将于星期二下午3.42来临“

　　----Lawrence Lindsey, White House Chief Economic Advisor

　　----白宫首席经济顾问，劳伦斯兰德斯

　　Market Simply Undergoing "Healthy Correction" Until Devastating Freefall

　　市场进入“健康的修正”直至毁灭性的下跌

　　Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Despite the sharp downturn in the stock market, economic and financial experts today advised investors to remain calm and continue to hold on for the long-term, which they said would end abruptly next Tuesday when a market panic wipes out 90 percent of the world's wealth.

　　尽管股票市场急速下跌，今天经济和金融专家建议投资者保持冷静还可长期持有，他们说会阻止下周二出现市场大恐慌，避免90%的世界财富被蒸发。

　　"I realize things look a little dodgy right now, but this is no time for people to lose their cool," said U.S. Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill. "God knows there will be plenty of time for that come Tuesday, when everything you've worked for vanishes in a matter of seconds."

　　“我知道现在的形势有点危险，但大家要冷静”美国财政部部长保罗奥尼尔说道，“上帝知道这一天是会到来的，你的劳动成果会在几秒钟内消失。”

　　On Wall Street, meanwhile, analysts were generally upbeat. After several strong years, the market was due for a "healthy correction," said Merrill Lynch analyst Pamela Green, adding that the U.S. economy looks set to rebound by the fourth quarter, "unless next Tuesday comes first, which I'm afraid it will."

　　同时，在华尔街，分析师普遍感到乐观。在几年的牛市后，市场应当会进入“健康的修正”美林公司分析师帕米拉 格林说道，此外美国经济预期到第四季度会上升，“除非下周二先到来，我认为，恐怕结果会是那样的”

　　"While you must always be vigilant in market conditions such as we see today, we advise buying on dips and looking for value plays — stocks trading below their traditional book values — which we think stand a very good chance of moving upward until Tuesday, when everything goes to shit," Green wrote in a research note to investors today. "For the risk-averse, we particularly like defensive plays, such as aerospace and health care, which we believe will hold up well prior to collapsing entirely at 10:42 a.m. Eastern Standard Time."

　　“然而你们要对我们今天所看到的市场保持警惕，我们建议购买时小心且要寻找其价值—交易价格低于其帐面价值的股票—他们在星期二之前还是有很大的上涨空间，星期二这天所有的股票都如粪土一般”格林今天在一份研究报告给投资者写的一番话。“对于不愿承担风险的，我们尤其要采取防守的策略，如航空航天和医疗保健类的，可以持有，我相信在东部时间上午10:42完全崩盘前应该能保持良好。”

　　Unlike other life experiences, such as retirement, there is no effective way to plan for a genuine market panic, said White House chief economic advisor Lawrence Lindsey. However, he added, people can be proactive once the panic does hit. Among his suggestions:

　　不同于其他的生活经验，如退休，对于真正的市场大恐慌还未拥有有效的计划，白宫首席经济顾问劳伦斯兰德斯说道。然而，他补充道，在恐慌一旦袭来人们可以积极应对。以下是他的建议：

　　¤ Eat your young. "It seems barbaric, but trust me, if you don't do it, someone else will, and you'll end up kicking yourself."

　　赚幼嫩者的钱。“这看起来十分野蛮，但相信我，如果你不这样做，其他人会这样做的，而你最终会严厉自责

　　¤ If you live in Manhattan and hear somebody sing "It's Rainin' Men," don't hum along. Jump out of the way.

　　如果你住在曼哈顿并且听到一些人在唱“正在哭泣的男人”时，不要跟着哼，赶紧掉头跑。

　　¤ Diversify your portfolio. Always sound advice, no matter the economic climate.

　　投资组合多元化，听取可靠的建议，不管是怎样的经济气候

　　¤ Set aside 10 percent of your pre-tax income for firearms.

　　留出你的10%税前收入作为弹药